Sometimes I wonder how far I'm drifting from my family. I was already so different from them, but now I wonder if that difference is creating a divide, or if it's distance that's creating this divide. Maybe if I was more concerned about being like everyone else, a little more materialistic, more about superficial concerns like homecoming court or class favorite. But of course this divide is in large part my creation.

Maybe if they (especially my aunt and uncle) hadn't spent so much of my life judging me for the small things, like my refusal to wear make-up, my offbeat sense of fashion, and my preference for reading over football.

Well, you know what, I'm happy with the beauty God gave me. Notice that I also still have slightly crooked teeth. I wear what I feel comfortable wearing and to hell if someone has a problem with it. Wearing long sleeves (loose, flowy, long sleeves) in the summer does not mean I'm on drugs. It means that I don't want to get sunburned any more than I already am. And I'm [not] sorry, but football is not my sport. Reading instead of watching the superbowl does not make me anti-social. It makes me an avid reader instead of a football fan.

But with that much judgement over what I consider to be relatively small things, what am I supposed to do but distance myself, and create a divide because there are other, bigger parts of my life to judge, that actually have a little more basis for judgement. They say I should trust them more, however, I don't think they've done a thing to deserve my trust. You want me to trust you with details of my life? You don't go around judging everything about it. That's a really good way to make sure I never tell you anything, and look, it's worked.

That being said, I miss my grandmother, and I want to be able to tell her everything, but I'm not sure how it would go over. I do know though, that I definitely want to tell her in person, and not over the phone. I have a three week break from school coming up, I'm seriously considering asking if I can come out to talk to her, or if she really wants to wait until Christmas to see me. Of course, Christmas dinner could be a really fun way to tell her. Not. But she also has to get my sister ready for college, and the last thing I want to do is add more stress to her life right now.