I'm lonely. This has been more of an issue since this ridiculous unpaid vacation from work, but really, it's true. I spent the last semester busy with work and school and church so that I wouldn't notice, but now that none of those things are an option for a week, it's hitting hard. I hate eating dinner alone as it is, but now I'm also eating lunch alone, and other than baby-sitting today, not really hanging out with people I know either. I am tired of being lonely. I am taking this opportunity to point out that I am not complaining about being single, but about not really having an close friends in this icy snowy state with a heart to match. I have had close friends in Utah, but Nichole got married to a returned missionary, Anastasia moved to Michigan for law school, Jim transferred to DePaul University in Chicago, and Jamie is now going to seminary in Berkeley. But now I have, um, nobody. I do have friends here, but not the call up and hang out for no reason friends, I have situational friends. I am willing to admit that yeah, a fair part of this is my fault, but there also doesn't seem to be anybody around in need of another close friend. Basically, life here sucks, and I would leave, but where would I go?

Oh, I had a wonderful amazing Christmas, probably the best one I've had since I was a little girl. Not going to Texas was definitely the way to go, and if possible, I plan to repeat that in the future. But somehow that's made the lonely thing worse, because I got a day of spending time with people, having fun, and not being stuck in my house by myself. And then I get to return to my boring, lonely life. I'm frequently the only one home at night, because most of my housemates are at work, or friends' houses, or parties or whatnot, and that makes it worse too, because it's like look, see, they can have a life, why can't I?

This entire rant will probably become semi-pointless week after next, but not really. I have a Tuesday night class and a Wednesday night class, and choir on Thursdays, and school on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and work the rest of the week all day and Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and I might as well stay involved in qsu for Monday nights, but then we'll get around to the weekend, and I'll get lonely again.

Because everyone should smile for the holidays...

First up: funny quotes/things said this week.

Cameron: What's your definition of granola [as an adjective, not the food]? I don't think I know what this type of person looks like. (pulls up google images)
Nate: Well, shops at REI, wears comfortable clothes, probably vegetarian, eats healthy, is in good shape, doesn't usually wear make-up...
Cameron: I can't think of anyone who fits that description.
Nate: What about April? She's even standing right there - in REI shoes, comfy clothes, no makeup, and is a vegetarian.

Fun quotes from work:

Kid: said something about Mommy's house.
Me: What about Daddy? Does he have a house?
Kid: No, he doesn't have one yet.

Me: What do you want for Christmas?
Kid: Socks, and candy canes and jelly beans. And tiger pajamas.

Kid pushing shopping cart. I'm shopping at Whole Foods. Oh no, I can't find the bread, they must have moved it. I wonder where the bread is...



Second up: Things/People that make me happy (in no particular order)

Sydney, Stephen, Stella, Patrick, and Clara
Church
Church Choir
Good shoes
People who take care of me, especially in the little ways
The back of my car
My baby blanket (which, for the record, fits my twin-sized bed)
Scarves
Netflix
Gender Studies classes
Ravelry (www.ravelry.com)
Heaters, microwaves, and other modern conveniences
Long, hot baths and showers
Wool socks
Baby-sitting
Clothes that fit right

Reality Hits Hard

So I love my History of Sexuality class. I do, it's fabulous. In part because the professor gives us practical advice. And readings that contain practical advice. Like medical decision making. Or rather, who gets to make medical decisions for me if I can't.

I was filling out some forms for something the other day (don't remember what) that asked for an emergency contact. That would be, umm... uh... so I put down my priest, because I figure if something happens to me and I can call, that's probably who I would call.

But. If something does happen to me and decisions need to be made, legally, my biological father gets to make that decision since my grandmother died. I am not okay with that. Which means I need to get legal paperwork drawn up and filed and such saying that someone else gets to do that. But I don't know who that would be. There isn't really anyone in my life right now that I would feel comfortable asking, and while my aunt and uncle would, and I certainly prefer them to my father, I'm not sure they really know me well enough to make the right choices. And I'm certainly not giving that responsibility to my sister.

Reality just sucks sometimes.

Because I'm taking a break from the re-write of a paper I (and nine out of ten other people) thought was fairly good the first time I thought I would post a slightly funny, very church-nerdy story. That some people will get a kick out of, and others maybe will continue shaking their heads at me.

So I'm a gender studies major. And a Christian. So I occasionally get asked how I reconcile my feminist beliefs with my religion. To which my response is something along the lines of, well, I'm an Episcopalian, I don't have to. My church agrees with me. The head of our national church is a woman. But apparently one guy wanted to push this further.
So you believe in God?
Yes.
And Jesus?
Yes.
So doesn't that mean you have more than one god?
Umm, no. I happen to believe in this fabulous thing called the Trinity.
The what?
The Trinity. That God the father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit are all the same, that is to say, God, but are all different at the same time.
That's just an excuse. There aren't things like that in science.
What about H2O?
What?
Water. Ice is water, and steam is water, and water is water. They're all the same, that is to say, H2O, but they're also very different.
Huh. I never thought about it that way. Tell me more about this church of yours.

In thinking about this later, I have decided that Jesus is the ice, God is the water, and the Holy Spirit would be the steam. Because Jesus was solid, was born, lived, died, all that. Real body. God is powerful and underestimated, like the the tiny streams carving out massive canyons, but also a life force, like the water that helps plants to grow. Holy Spirit is powerful but invisible, and rarely mentioned outside of her context, like how you don't see steam, but it can power a train, and people don't really sit around talking about steam, unless they are engineers with a steam engine or what not.

That is obviously not completely thought through. This is, after all, a procrastination effort.

Oh, and the one out of ten people who didn't think my paper was fairly good the first time is my professor. Which is unfortunate, since she's the one giving out the grades.