I'm lonely. This has been more of an issue since this ridiculous unpaid vacation from work, but really, it's true. I spent the last semester busy with work and school and church so that I wouldn't notice, but now that none of those things are an option for a week, it's hitting hard. I hate eating dinner alone as it is, but now I'm also eating lunch alone, and other than baby-sitting today, not really hanging out with people I know either. I am tired of being lonely. I am taking this opportunity to point out that I am not complaining about being single, but about not really having an close friends in this icy snowy state with a heart to match. I have had close friends in Utah, but Nichole got married to a returned missionary, Anastasia moved to Michigan for law school, Jim transferred to DePaul University in Chicago, and Jamie is now going to seminary in Berkeley. But now I have, um, nobody. I do have friends here, but not the call up and hang out for no reason friends, I have situational friends. I am willing to admit that yeah, a fair part of this is my fault, but there also doesn't seem to be anybody around in need of another close friend. Basically, life here sucks, and I would leave, but where would I go?

Oh, I had a wonderful amazing Christmas, probably the best one I've had since I was a little girl. Not going to Texas was definitely the way to go, and if possible, I plan to repeat that in the future. But somehow that's made the lonely thing worse, because I got a day of spending time with people, having fun, and not being stuck in my house by myself. And then I get to return to my boring, lonely life. I'm frequently the only one home at night, because most of my housemates are at work, or friends' houses, or parties or whatnot, and that makes it worse too, because it's like look, see, they can have a life, why can't I?

This entire rant will probably become semi-pointless week after next, but not really. I have a Tuesday night class and a Wednesday night class, and choir on Thursdays, and school on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and work the rest of the week all day and Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and I might as well stay involved in qsu for Monday nights, but then we'll get around to the weekend, and I'll get lonely again.