Things I miss about Texas:

Rosa's. It's a restaurant that has cheap mexican (texmex) food, that is in my opinion better than most expensive mexican (not texmex) elsewhere in life, including mexico.

Southern Manners. I know, to dislike so much about the south, that I do miss.

Taco Villa. Kinda like Rosa's.

Being able to see for ever and ever. The horizon I mean. I miss that feeling. The mountains occasionally make me claustrophobic.

Sunsets. They are so pretty because of all the dust in the air.

Texas snow drifts. The giant modules of cotton that are left in the field to be taken to the gin after harvesting.

Not having to explain what Rotel is. Green chiles and tomato, really good with melted velveeta to make queso.

My friends, and the memories we made. Staying up till sunrise, talking at Rush, Clapp, and Higginbotham.

Tight-knit communties, where everyone knows everyone else's history, whether you want them to or not. Saves a lot of explaining if you have a family like mine.


Things I don't miss about Texas:
The racism. Not that Utah's really any better.
The sexism. Not that Utah's much better.
The dominant religion. Utah has a different religion, but the same ideas.
Everybody knowing everything. Salt Lake is too big for this, score 1 Utah.

Utah, or Salt Lake City at least, because I would never live anywhere else in Utah, is better overall though.

Now if only I could get me some good Tex-mex here, I'd be really happy.

Gender studies has taught me lots of things. One of the things I realized is how lucky I am to have grown up Episcopalian. Especially given who I've grown up to be. It still gets me everytime I realize I'm not a teenager anymore. No more wild teen years...not that I was really that wild as a teenager, but you know, there went my opportunity. Sometimes though, I wonder what all I missed out on back then, because of who I was and what I was dealing with and avoiding dealing with, and how I felt towards God. I was angry and pissed off at God for who I was, and then about the time I finally got over that, I got angry and pissed off at God for taking one of the most important people in my life. And now of course, I'm not angry at God for that anymore. Oh, I still wish it hadn't happened, but who am I to say it shouldn't have. And how did I keep my faith in God through all of that? Someone that I respect very much told me that you couldn't be angry at something you didn't believe in. She was right, of course. So somehow, through all of that, I still went to church almost every Sunday. Sure, I did spend most of that time in the nursery taking care of the babies, but I was there. And there were some Sundays no babies showed up, so I went to the service. And I did go to the Wednesday night service every week. And I made it through to where I am now. And yes, some days I still get a little upset at God, but it's okay because it doesn't change anything, and most days I love God. Well, I suppose all days I love God. Loving God doesn't mean I can't occasionally be upset at him(?).

I feel like that last entry was depressing...so now I'm going to write about something I love and enjoy that usually makes me very happy, though usually also very exhausted. What is this you ask? It is work. I love my job. I love playing with the kids, watching the babies learn new skills, and the greeting you get everytime you walk in the door. I think I'll take this time to tell about some of my kids.

Carter is the baby of the group. He's barely six months old, and isn't even old enough to sit up by himself yet. He's usually very happy and content, but right now he's teething, so that makes him a bit crankier, but still more easygoing than some babies I know.
Like Rachel. Rachel is the next youngest. She's nine months old, very fussy but still adorable, and requires lots of attention. She's also very active, and is always moving. She doesn't crawl yet, but she's pretty good at rolling around to get to wherever she wants to go.
Sophia is barely older than Rachel and is crawling, and almost pulling herself up to standing. She's also very easygoing, and she was the first baby that started after me. She'll fight going to sleep, unless you let her get really really tired first.
Next is Ella. Ella is just over a year old, and she's my favorite. I know I shouldn't play favorites, but she is very attached to me, and will get upset when I pay attention to other people. She's also a little wary of the other kids, and will start crying if they get too close and no one is holding her. At snack and lunch we try to make sure there's a chair between her and anyone else so her bubble isn't invaded. She's an expert crawler, loves to cuddle with me, and will probably start walking pretty soon.
Yann was born on New Year's Eve, and is half French. He doesn't talk much, but he has a full range of facial expressions which pretty much say everything for him. He's very cute of course, and he was the youngest kid when I started. I have watched him go from not being able to crawl, to now running with Luz when their parents pick them up around the same time. He also loves to climb on the playground outside, but I'm not supposed to let him because it's more than three feet tall.
Isaac is next oldest. He is a month older than Yann, and full of energy. His energy is also very loud, and very catching to the other children. Some days we just take them outside and let them run so we don't go crazy. He also loves animals, trucks, and sound effects.
Then is Ada. Ada is less than a month younger than Luz. She's also full of energy, and she can be very very stubborn when she wants to be. I'm definitely not her favorite, but she's gotten better about it.
Luz is last, but not least. She's the oldest of the bunch, 22 months old. She's gotten more stubborn about naps, but she's also been very fun to watch grow up. She speaks Spanish and English, and also will just babble without actually saying anything in either language. She and Yann are the only two still in my class from when I started. She loves to play with the baby dolls, read stories, and sing songs.

Who wouldn't love a job that involved playing with these eight wonderful children all day. I know I do. I could really see myself doing this job for the rest of my life. It always makes me smile. Everytime you walk into the room everyone always says hi, and a couple of them will run up to give you hugs. And most of them will say bye bye when you leave.

I feel like quitting school. Seriously, I can't even remember what I'm doing here anymore. All it does is make me miserable and hate life. I love my job, and I love church, and that's what's making life okay right now. But it shouldn't be this way. I should be living for the sake of life, not to make other people happy. And at this point in my life, going to school does nothing positive for me. But how else am I going to accomplish my dreams? Well, to be honest, my biggest goal in life for a long time was to get out of Texas forever. Well, I've done that. Now what? I want to help people, I want to give someone the hope and love and joy that so many people in my life have given me. I don't think that really requires a college degree. And it certainly doesn't need the attitude getting my college degree is giving me.

So I went to the Farmer's Market today. Overall I was mildly disappointed, and thought it was way too crowded, but the second could have led to the first. Reasons I liked it: Local farms/businesses (like bakeries), a fair number of craft booths. Reasons I didn't like it: too many commercial vendors, too many of the craft booths were jewelery, way too crowded, not much produce (lots of house plants instead). I think the weather today was also a little warmer than I would like it (all the way into the upper 80s).

My sweet, darling, lovely, precious children at work got me sick. How sick? 103 fever and way congested. This is so not fun. This is so not the way I intended today to go. Good thing my fever's not one degree higher, or I would have gone to the doctor. I would go anyways, but since my kids got me sick, they've all been to the doctor, and since there's nothing the doctor could do for them, there's not really anything the doctor can do for me either. Being sick sucks.

Maybe I'm church crazy. I went to evening prayer tonight at St. Paul's, and I realized that it was the fourth church service I've been to in four days. The interfaith pride service was Saturday, regular church on Sunday morning (and you could hear the pride parade during the service), I went to the noon service yesterday, and tomorrow I plan to go to centering prayer. On Thursday I think Marielle and I will go to evening prayer again, and then Friday there's no service that I can go to. Stupid job. Actually, no, I love my job.

And can I just take this opportunity to complain about my writing 2010 class. The other students that talk in class (like for discussions I mean) besides Laura, my gender studies buddy, are some sexist, rascist, homophobic Utah Mormon boys. It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't go on and on and on about it during class. Oh well...only seven more weeks. Though I'm out of unexcused absences I'll probably still skip on occasion just to keep my sanity.

oh, quote from class today, when the boys started going on about the whole hate the sin, love the sinner, and the whole celibacy thing:
"I'm Episcopalian, we don't have to love the sinner and hate the sin, because it's not a sin. We just love."
"Love what?"
"People. All people. Well, except maybe the intolerant ones. But that doesn't mean God doesn't love you. It just means I don't."

Oh oh, I'm currently working on crocheting a top that will probably look like a rainbow threw up on it or something. It should be really cool though, and I'll post pictures when I'm done so y'all can laugh at it (or me).

Sunday Night
This weekend wore me out. I'm now utterly exhausted, which I suppose to be expected after a weekend like this. Among lots of other things I did this weekend, I baby-sat last night for four kids who were wild terrors, but that I'm sure are usually pretty good kids. It was totally worth it though, for how much their family paid me. And of course I went to church this morning where Canon Robin gave yet another amazing sermon. I almost wish I could get the schedule of when she's preaching and plan my vacations around that. Her's and Canon Diana's are always really good. Church always makes me really happy, or well, maybe not happy, but makes me feel better about life, the universe and everything....

Monday Night
I was apparently so worn out from the weekend that I slept through my alarm, which goes off every nine minutes for an hour (well, fine, 54 minutes) unless I specifically turn it off. I know that I hit snooze once, because I have to open my phone to turn off the alarm and I didn't do that. At any rate I slept through all of my first class, and enough of my second that I decided it wasn't really worth it to go. I also woke up feeling as if I should go to a church service. So I did. It was a good service, and apparently today was St. Columba day. He was the guy that introduced most of Britain and Ireland to Christianity. It's also amazing how much less time Rite 2 takes if you leave out the Gloria, one lesson, the Nicene Creed, and the Eucharistic Prayer (but not the Eucharist), and don't sing any hymns. I also have plans to go to evening prayer tomorrow at my friend's Episcopal church, so it will be a church filled week, which really, can't be a bad thing. It makes me miss private school, and having chapel every morning.