Iowa has given me hope. Hope that someday Utah may catch up with the 21st century and change their laws. Should Utah do that, then I won't have to decide. This makes me ridiculously happy. I recently had a dream about what my life would have been like/would be like if Xavier and I got married. I'd be done with college, starting a career, and beginning to look at adopting kids (because he and I would obviously not be creating one) and possibly getting a nursery ready. I would be going to church on Sundays, but probably wouldn't be as active as I am now, and would almost certainly not be thinking about possibly being a priest someday. This is almost everything I want in life, or would have wanted, had I not gotten to where I am now. To make it slightly harder on me, he still says that if he knew I'd say yes, he'd propose. Though finding someone to marry us might be difficult because a Catholic priest would likely be opposed to my not being Catholic, and an Episcopal priest would likely be opposed to the whole both being gay thing. But it would definitely make both of our families happy.

Point: I am not currently considering with any seriousness saying yes.

But that's not where I am anymore. Had we not both left Lubbock, then yes, that's where I'd probably be. But we did. I changed, and have decided that there are some things I am unwilling to give up in my current life, even for everything I used to think I wanted. At least I discovered this before saying yes.


And in great excitement: Holy Week is soon to be upon us. Hooray!! I'm excited for the end of Lent. Though I fully plan to keep on with my lenten discipline, of keeping up with my prayers, and the people on my prayer list.